Questions and Answers - The Best Man

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The Best Man

It is truly an honor to be chosen by the groom as his Best Man. A groom will generally ask his best friend, brother or close family member to be his best man because he must trust him to be dependable. He will depend on his best man for many things during the planning of the wedding, the ceremony and the reception. A good best man will be dependable, punctual, a leader and have the interest of the groom at heart.

The legend of the best man is filled with adventure! In the old days a man had to basically kidnap a wife from her family if the family did not approve of him. This was not done alone. He needed a small army. The best man was part of his army and was the person the groom could trust to safeguard him and his bride from family members who would try to stop the wedding. His job was to "stand guard" beside the groom during the ceremony to make sure the wedding was undisturbed. Though this is mostly legend there must be some seed of truth to it. Artifacts such as clubs and other weapons have been found inside church alters dating back to the time of Ancient Rome.

What are the "duties" of the Best Man?

Being the best man is not fun and games -- well, at least not until the bachelor party. With the title comes a certain amount of responsibility. Every wedding is different and every groom needs different things from his best man. The following list is traditionally the duties of the best man and serves as a guide. You'll find a few suggestions on how you can contribute to your groom's special day.

Help the groom whenever help is needed.
The groom may not always ask for help. A good best man will see an opportunity to relieve his very hectic schedule and volunteer to help.
Plan the Bachelor Party.
Okay. Here's the fun part! We all hear the stories about wild bachelor parties where the groom barely makes it to the wedding the next day. Not all bachelor parties are like that. Although you may want to party hardy with a stripper, etc., it may not be what the groom wants. The hardest part of planning the bachelor party is to do what the groom wants to do. The best man is also responsible for the majority of the cost of the bachelor party. More about the Bachelor Party...
Tux Duty.
As the best man you should take the responsibility of returning any rented tuxedos in time to avoid further charges. Take the tuxedo duty very serious. If you do only one thing right --- make sure to get the tuxedos taken care of! Offer and be prepared to pay for the rental of your own tuxedo. Some grooms will pay for them. It puts a financial burden on others.
Serve as a liaison between the groom and bride on the day of the wedding.
It is said to be bad luck for the groom to see the bride in her wedding dress before she walks down the aisle and many couples follow this age-old tradition. A best man acts as a liaison between the groom and his bride, meeting with the maid of honor to exchange messages from one to the other. Another wedding ritual is for the bride to give the groom a special gift before the wedding and vice-versa. The best man will carry the bride's gift to the maid of honor and receive the groom's gift in exchange.
Be the watchdog - literally speaking.
It's your responsibility to watch the clock and keep the groom on schedule. It's the responsibility of the best man to get the groom to the church (or chapel) on time!
Give a gift to the Groom.
It's good etiquette and tradition for the best man to arrange to have a bottle of champagne awaiting the new couple in their hotel room. If champagne is not the groom's thing, click HERE for some great gift suggestions.
Arrange the Honeymoon Get-Away.
It's tradition for the best man to drive the bride and groom from the reception to the airport if they are catching a plane. He can drive them to their vehicle as well. The drive-away is purely for show! The groom will have so many things to handle just before the wedding it's a great idea for the best man to make sure the groom is packed and ready for the honeymoon. He may even store his luggage, the cruise tickets, maps and car keys to give to the groom as he is leaving with his bride. More on the honeymoon...
The First Toast
Tradition states that the best man makes the first toast. He can even be given a special personalized toasting glass as a memento of the occasion. This is true during the rehearsal dinner as well as at the reception. The first toast at the rehearsal dinner can be at any opportune time. It doesn't have to be a formal affair and it does not have to be with champagne. The first toast at the reception is generally done while finishing the meal. The best man coordinates with the caterers to pass out the champagne then begins the toasting by getting everyone's attention. This is not the time to "roast" the groom. Do that during the bachelor party. Often the best man is given a personalized toasting glass for this ceremony.
Dance.
After the couple's first dance as man and wife and after the bride has danced with her father and father-in-law the floor will be open to guests. Often the guests are shy and, unless the alcohol has flowed heavily, they will be hesitant to get out on the dance floor. Ask guests to dance. Take the hand of an older woman (whom you may not even know) and lead her onto the dance floor. Dance with the bride, the maid of honor and the bridesmaids.
Garter Auction
The bride's garter does not have to be tossed during the wedding reception. As the Best Man you can suggest something a little more fun and helpful to the newly married couple. Arrange with the Groom (ahead of time, of course) to have a Garter Auction instead. The Garter Auction can only be successful if there are several unattached males in attendance. It can be a surprise to the bride! You grab the microphone and "stop" the toss just after the groom has removed it from the bride's leg. You take the garter and explain the rules of the Auction. Whoever bids the highest gets the garter and the winner must have the amount of cash in his pocket. Explain that the garter auction is to raise a little spending money for the honeymoon. You start the bidding at $10. The cash is collected from the winner and ceremoniously given to the couple.

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